Monday, December 5, 2011

Ready, set, wait.

It's funny how life takes its turns. I guess I shouldn't say funny, I should say interesting. One minute I have it all figured out, I know what I want, and I know how I'm going to get it. Then, life takes a turn, and suddenly I'm confused. Things I know I would have jumped at the chance to have before, have now changed to things I need to think about. Things I was so sure of, have now changed to things I'm not sure of. Things I thought I was ready for, I know now I am not ready for. Doesn't mean I want any of these things less, I just feel I'm in the present now. Not in the past, or the future...just here. I've never really just been here. I've always been some place else.
I've waited so long and now that it's here I can't take it yet. I want to, but then I know I would be doing it just to avoid hurting someone I love. I think most things are so much better when you're ready though...right? When it feels right, looks right, sounds right, and all of that.
Sometimes I wish I could be like other people and just be all ready to go when life offers it to me, or someone offers it to me. But if I'm not ready, there's no way I can succeed. My heart will tug at me sometimes, and then I know if I were to keep going, I would hurt it further. It's best to heal from something before starting something new. I mean, cause then you're dragging that with you while trying to start something else...doesn't make sense.
I will say, I'm disappointed. I'm disappointed with myself for not being ready. Angry with myself, even. Because it's like this, I have been waiting and wanting, only to find I need to wait even longer. Maybe not because people are telling me to or wanting me to, but because I know I need to. I never like holding myself back. However, I need to find it within myself to be at peace with waiting a little longer and not rush the process, because I know it will be so much better. God help me.

      Isaiah 40:31

But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

1 comment:

  1. "Things I know I would have jumped at the chance to have before, have now changed to things I need to think about." Mmmmhmm, yep. Life is funny that way. Good post, Rachael.