Sunday, October 2, 2011

Coming out of the fog.

It's been awhile, since I saw reality. A strange sensation that what I hoped was true, is actually just a fantasy. A slap in the face, a whisper of defeat. A smile that makes one uncomfortable. "Fine", I say, "I see you". Maybe it's better to see the world and everything in it for what it really is. Instead of daydreaming of things long lost in the past. Things that I could have had, but didn't realize I needed or wanted. So much of my life feels that way, and it feels so impossible to let go. Ah...letting go. Such an easy word to say and a hard action to do. Sometimes it's easier to fall asleep...and take care of it when I wake up...or never...

I've been so afraid. Because of the things I've lost, or mistreated, or made a mistake with, or whatever...I'm so afraid to move. Afraid I'll make one more wrong move. It's hard to be sure and there are many risks. Too many risks. Well now, something ought to be done, and soon. Don't worry, I'm already thinking of something. Something that will help me breathe, and feel again. Something that will help me come out of the fog of my life. Clear out the cob webs and try again. I'd like to try again. Whether that looks like erasing everything I had ever written, or working with what I have. I know that, at least. I'm not completely lost.
I'll find my way out of the fog.

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