One of my favorite things to do is put my headphones in when I'm in a crowded room, and listen to something calm(like beautiful piano music or something expressive) and watch the chaos. Maybe it's not chaos, but there are a million different things going on. Conversations, interactions, noises. And I feel as if I'm off some place else, looking in at that crowded space.
I usually find words are useless to me. I have come up with other ways of expressing myself.
I make music, sing a song, dance, draw...all are ways of expressing ones self.
Take deep breaths, lay there quietly. Do you hear silence?
Life is almost impossible to live without music. Some sort of stable calm...
My headphones and music in a crowded room remind me that there are bigger things than what I see. A bigger picture. Is life only a crowded room and chaos? Is it the calm music inside the chaos? ......Have I lost you yet?
Have I thought my life out? No. It changes everyday for me. I don't know what kind of person I want to be because I already am a person. If I change so be it. If not, well, this is me. I've been this way a while.
I hate the question, "Where do you see yourself in 10 years?" My reply..."I have no freaking idea." I could be so many different things. I could be so many different places. Why plan out my entire life and miss it? You set expectations for yourself and you get disappointed. Everyone has an idea of the way they want life to look. I'd prefer my life to have a deeper meaning then going to college, getting a good job, making money, getting married, having kids, living good. Then I wake up one morning and realize I have nothing. I am nothing. From then on I either live off in another world or kill myself. And who wants that? Not me. I'll take the calm music inside the chaos. Watching everyone else...waiting for something else...living as something else...