Sunday, January 15, 2012

I'm not the perfect christian.

I may not be the perfect christian, or even close for that matter. All I know, is that God is real, and He's the only One who can save me. So I'm starting there. 
I've felt lost for a very long time. I guess my burden just kept getting heavier and heavier and life has taken a few rough turns in the past 7 months. I'm on a path of healing from some big things, but I've found myself walking farther away from the Healer. Seems crazy since sitting at His feet and being close to Him is where the healing begins. I guess you could say I've been pretty bitter, angry, and hurt. Not blaming God for what happened, but not wanting to go to Him about it since He allowed it to happen. I'd get so mad when people would try to give me scriptures and tell me how they were praying for me and it was going to be ok. Because it isn't ok, and it won't be ok for awhile...and that's ok. I mean, it's ok for everything to not be ok. Doesn't make sense, but I've lived a little. 
Tonight I heard a song that I haven't heard in a long while. The words are wonderful, I'd sing it for you if I could. 

Oh Lord, you're beautiful,
Your face is all I seek,
For when your eyes are on this child,
Your grace abounds to me.

Isn't that beautiful? I was told tonight to think of all the disgusting things I had seen this past week. I applied that to my whole life and thought about the big things that had impacted me. Then I was told to compare all of those things to God's beauty. It was kind of amazing. His beauty just outshines this world. All the horrible, disgusting things I've been through, or seen or heard, and then I think of His beauty. It all sort of washes away, and that's all I want. 
I don't walk around quoting scripture, or holding my Bible, and I don't always talk about God, but I know His beauty. So I'm starting there. 

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